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Post by ben on Jul 16, 2016 5:23:05 GMT
I just want to share this experience:
Around November last year I started to developed a habit of seeing underlying currents of all and everything. It ended with me being locked up for 6 weeks and getting fed 7 different psychotropic s, from Abilify to Zyprexa. (Ye, I'm cray cray)
A lot of stuff happened around that time but this event fits the topic of the board perfectly.
While I was trippin pretty hard, my granddad was visiting to check up on me. We talked a bit and went into my living room. This is where the magic happened. I was in a state of "ego-denial"? Not sure how to describe it, "dissolved identity"?
The terminology doesn't matter really as you need a reference experience to know what I'm talking about.
Anyways, I was training to stick my consciousness onto a red dot I imagined on a wall, sitting still and shifting my focus onto that imagined dot eventually perceiving my surroundings FROM that dot.
So, I was able to check myself out without a mirror! xD
This led to me first controlling my body in a wobbling motion while still observing myself from the focuspoint instead of emanating from myself, or where my body was.
Back to the livingroom.
I was so trained in doing this, that I could "watch" myself slowly walking - it's like playing a charachter in a video game. But the ego-perspective is the focuspoint while you yourself become the third-person view.
Kind of like "controlling" a stringpuppet. And here is where it gets interesting.
I was standing in the livingroom, my granddad beside me, and i shit you not - he remembers it all but we only talked about this incident twice.
I accidently - to be honest, it was my greed for MORE control over the situation which just happened to be this one at that time - took third-person view control over my granddad.
Took like 2 seconds until I realized this though - that I was not only observing like the ceiling cat (that's a very good comparison) but I was in total control over my grands physical movements.
I was instantly trying to "turn it off" which resulted in my grand moving his upper body in a very unrythmic motion.
In hindsight this event left me traumatized for quite a while. My initial shock over being in control lead to myself giving up everything even control of myself, I confronted death.
And luckily so, about 5 seconds into this whole shizniz my grandfather was in control of his own body again. We both cried like 30 minutes after this happened. And since that day, I lost my urge to be in control. Frightening as hell!
There is a lot more of buildup to this whole story but we leave that for another post.
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Post by Caylus Ark on Jul 16, 2016 7:41:49 GMT
Wow, thanks for sharing. What a fascinating story. Let me ask you, did it feel - like he was acting in accordance (or, shall we say, perfect sync) with your thoughts, or was there a physical weight behind your control, as well?
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Post by ben on Jul 16, 2016 14:07:19 GMT
He just went into observer mode. He told me he thaught at first he was falling asleep. Took a sec or two until he noticed himself. I was there too, inside of him and i noticed it too, he was consciouss the whole time but didn't have any control. I wasn't him but if i were i'd probably describe it like a wake-coma, a shut in. I still suspect he broke down because he noticed that i was there in his body, but my point of view was somewhere on the ceiling, a birds eye view. He never told, i never asked that question.
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Post by Caylus Ark on Jul 17, 2016 4:32:23 GMT
I have a theory about consciousness....that people with a certain level of it can draw others into it, and eclipse them. I have had some minor experience with this kind of thing before, but never have I heard of a case where it occurred with others 'co-consciously' - with two disparate but simultaneous awarenesses. Having that experience must have completely changed both of your perceptions of what is real and what is possible, no?
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Post by ben on Jul 17, 2016 8:27:57 GMT
It drove home the fact that I was trying to have dominion over things that are better left alone - for their own sake. And yes, I haven't been the same person since. The magnitude with which this experience hit me I've only felt on two other occasions. When my dad died and when i jumped off of my school when i was 13. My usual motivation for doing anything changed from "get more control" to "not really sure yet". Although the notion of "impossible" has not been a part of my journey of life for quite some years now. I believe you can relate, if you seen some stuff, you won't believe in impossible anymore.
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Post by Caylus Ark on Jul 21, 2016 0:28:58 GMT
That's absolutely true. There is a threshold that once crossed makes impossible seem unlikely. Your story is quite fascinating. Do you think that on some capacity, your bouts of "training" your consciousness or awareness led your ability to posess your grandfather? Do you think the fact that you were related by blood might have had somehow had something to do with your ability to posess him? If so it might raise a number of very interesting bloodline questions. Have you ever seen the movie "being john malchovich"?
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Post by ben on Jul 21, 2016 20:47:19 GMT
Farrrrrrk Caycay, you make it sound like I'm a demon.... posessing people and stuff, I'm not evol ;_____; I know my grandfather has like 20 relatives in our town only he only told me about like 2 years ago, you can imagine how many relatives I got by this generation. Then there's my mother with her 13... yes freaking thirteen siblings which are scattered all throughout the world. I'm not really into the idea of being of a bloodline, but my grandfather can be traced back to Alexander Sergejewitsch Puschkin according to his own accounts. Which makes me kinda royal I guess. Never looked much into it. But I guess it goes back to Hannibal or something like that. Aaaaanyways, yes, I do believe the absolute ease (i only noticed after a few secs) with which I took over was part of a long process trying to get control of myself after I split my awareness. (Gawd this sounds crazy xD If you're a psychiatrist please regard this as a disclaimer: It's all in my head) And I had a similiar, albeit not so extreme version of this same "feeling leading up to the situation" which had a friend of mine speaking out loud what i was thinking and he even paused when I silenced my thoughts (had to learn that one too). I am following this path of "training yourself" for a couple of years now, been posting sometimes about it over the years but no one really took it as anything but a random weirdo posting scifi on the web. But mang, I am not twisting anything here even though I sometimes want to believe that myself. Gahhhhh, yes, I do know how crazy all this sounds, as I am not a superhuman, I'm a breddy regular guy. It's just that I've been giving a lot more thought onto this "evoloution of conciousness"? Than anyone I know. You can instantly tell if you start a dialouge about these subjects. After thinking some subject through you just know the conclusions your thesis' have. And if your opposite has no concept for those, you will know that they have not put any thought into it and therefor are "underdeveloped". omg, i just watched this trailer, like after writing this post. this one goes on my "to do list" thanks! xD Edit: I forgot xD Cousin of my mum is current President of Somalia. <_____>
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Post by Therin on Jul 21, 2016 22:18:11 GMT
Ben you should read 'The Wheel of Time' by Castaneda. You are not alone.
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Post by ben on Jul 21, 2016 22:40:43 GMT
Hey Therin, thank you for the suggestion, I just read a small synopsis and it seems interesting. Put it on my "to-do list" as well. Check this out though, my small library and I've only read through 1/4 of it so far. And I got just as much in my cellar! xD I often buy books without reading them immediatly, if I got some cash to spend I'll get The wheel of time, just because your proposition.
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Post by Therin on Jul 21, 2016 22:55:12 GMT
Cool. My next door neighbor growing up was named Ben. Also, my idiot protege's son's name is Ben. I like your style.
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Post by ben on Jul 21, 2016 23:04:31 GMT
^__________________^ Benjamins always finish last though, it's a biblical thing. Btw. This is my living room and also the room this whole incident with my grandpa happend.
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Post by Therin on Jul 21, 2016 23:43:05 GMT
^__________________^ Benjamins always finish last though, it's a biblical thing. Btw. This is my living room and also the room this whole incident with my grandpa happend. Yeah but it's all about the Benjamins, baby.
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Post by starbird on Aug 11, 2016 18:13:06 GMT
I'm wondering here - it sounds like you have tapped into some of the meditation training practiced by far Eastern religions all on your own without guidance. It would be interesting if you talked with a very advanced Monk (for example Tibetan) - with very different awareness of consciousness and culture - and how you might be perceived and guided as opposed to the Westernized shrinks. Depending on tribe and views (mythologies and shamanic practices) Native American types may also be interested in this little "practice" of yours.
Putting yourself into an object (the spot on the wall and than observing) - I have read of this type of meditation in the book "Initiation into Hermetics" by Franz Bardon. You can google search this man for further information. I haven't made it through this book completely at this time - well, because - it is a VERY powerful book and by messing in his meditations and exercises you will start some interesting travel of the mind. I think it takes time and good mental health to proceed in these endeavors ~ but you may find a look see at him and his work - in light of what you are doing on your own - rather illuminating.
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Post by ben on Aug 12, 2016 6:05:49 GMT
Thank you very much Starbird, although I doubt I find the dedication to read that book, the name Franz was given to me this night while I was traveling to some unbelievable places. Was wondering if it was Franz Beckenbauer or Franz Ferdinand, the only ones I knew. This makes much more sense. <3
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Post by Montblanc on Aug 12, 2016 22:49:34 GMT
I'm wondering here - it sounds like you have tapped into some of the meditation training practiced by far Eastern religions all on your own without guidance. It would be interesting if you talked with a very advanced Monk (for example Tibetan) - with very different awareness of consciousness and culture - and how you might be perceived and guided as opposed to the Westernized shrinks. Depending on tribe and views (mythologies and shamanic practices) Native American types may also be interested in this little "practice" of yours. Putting yourself into an object (the spot on the wall and than observing) - I have read of this type of meditation in the book "Initiation into Hermetics" by Franz Bardon. You can google search this man for further information. I haven't made it through this book completely at this time - well, because - it is a VERY powerful book and by messing in his meditations and exercises you will start some interesting travel of the mind. I think it takes time and good mental health to proceed in these endeavors ~ but you may find a look see at him and his work - in light of what you are doing on your own - rather illuminating. I have that book on my cloud, though I didn't spend much time reading it yet. And one of the mods here is an experienced practicer of yoga, you might get along well with Zimmer, he has a very interesting thread on this subject.
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