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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2018 3:37:21 GMT
Ah regrets...they can weigh on the soul, replay in your mind near infinitum and make you hesitate at times you shouldn't.
Since this corner of the webs seems very quiet currently, I've decided to use this little section for anyone (myself included) to vent any such thing that floats in the mind.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2018 7:14:02 GMT
Currently off top of my head, my only regret is I didn't said aloud akin to dragon roaring regarding some friends / etc and apparently few IRL "ex-friends".
Fuck my logical auto-correction mechanism sometimes..
@ Zen, you were like aura-alike ghost swooping in and out with posting. too bad perhaps my depressed comments in the shoutbox along with uh someone (I'm unclear and unsure if she is she... identify issues atm for me in my mind) -> starving herself drove you away from this establishment. im sorry, and wish you could be back. When you deleted your account on this site, I felt what its like to be in someone's else shoes with outside perspective on my once-frequently deleting and re-registering accounts in past. I stayed this time since several months (admin/mods can check security log and see my deletion/re-registering etc.) Now I stay on both glp and this BM ... there is something special about members that I consider to be my friends or if some prefer to remain acquaintance-zone / stranger-zone, that's fine with me.
I might post some more as my mind (especially my feelings) rolls from time to time.
Edit: Hope Zen is enjoying looking at stars and outer space weather or something cool shit.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2018 10:46:02 GMT
With the mention of the above.
Words unsaid:
"Zen, let me make something clear. As I jumped on the forum and read your post, I'd just completed an hour-ish wander with my pup. Its also been 3 days since I last ate something.
I'm not dealing with the "demons" K is. I have developed my own issues with eating in the last few years, mainly centered around non-appetite and nausea. I've virtually stopped cooking because by the time I'm done, I find myself utterly unable to take a bite, and instead feed it to the animals.
And no, I didn't have to take pills in order to go for a walk. May have sipped at a redbull as I went, but thats about it"
*shrug* I was being silent at the time, but the above was what I had in mind should I have replied to that (seemingly) out of no-where nastiness. Sure, speak your mind (especially when you are worried about someone) but don't go throwing unwarranted accusations around.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2018 12:42:57 GMT
unsaid words popped into my mind a long while ago, said something along this line sentence, "stop with .GIFs shit."
 - Roger that. I knew I was using .gifs a tad too much. The 3D thread is my last time of utilizing series of gifs to tell a short burst story and to convey what I'm trying to say or something like that. I forgot to moderate myself. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2018 5:26:15 GMT
unsaid words popped into my mind a long while ago, said something along this line sentence, "stop with .GIFs shit."
- Roger that. I knew I was using .gifs a tad too much. The 3D thread is my last time of utilizing series of gifs to tell a short burst story and to convey what I'm trying to say or something like that. I forgot to moderate myself. After this post XL, I actually went back and re-read that thread a few times. I like it, but I can understand where you're coming from, and where others who view my version could be. In short..."so many possible translations!" *chuckle* Still, it's a unique mode of expression you find enjoyable and consider a great way to try and express concepts (or perhaps i'm projecting here) haha. Do you mate, and if you wish to expand further on the concepts you're conveying...consider me interested. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 25, 2018 16:53:04 GMT
Regret: Staying silent This...is a trickier one. Specifically, I'm going to refer to the many years I've spent on glp. I stumbled upon the place while studying meditation, various schools of thought (castaneda being a favorite) ....and much time on the following site - absolutoracle.com (which I decided to revisit, pose a question, and recieved the following) IF YOU WANT TO MAKE HIGHER CONNECTIONS, YOU WILL HAVE TO MAKE SOME BIG CHANGES IN YOURSELF, IN HOW YOU REACT AND BEHAVE, IN YOUR HABITS, IN YOUR WHOLE WAY OF LIFE. YOU WILL HAVE TO BECOME MORE VIGOROUS, AWARE AND MEDITATIVE. YOU WILL HAVE TO LEARN TO MOVE IN THE SPIRIT, TO WALK ABOUT IN THE GREAT VOID OF THE UNKNOWN. YOU WILL HAVE TO RAISE YOUR KUNDALINI ENERGY WITH MANTRAS AND EXPRESS YOUR TRUE DIVINE SELF-NATURE IN EVERYTHING YOU SAY AND DO. YOU WILL HAVE TO RADIATE TREMENDOUS POSITIVE ENERGY AND LOVE WITHOUT FORMING A NEW AGE SPIRITUAL GROUP. YOU MUST LEARN HOW TO DO ANONYMOUS, INVISIBLE GOOD FOR ALL. YOU MUST THINK LIKE A SHAMBHALA INSIDER THINKS RATHER THAN THINKING OF HOW TO GET INSIDE SHAMBHALA FROM OUTSIDE. I lol'd. Anywho... After a short time reading threads, I posed a question I had from reading the following en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_KybalionI recieved a single response I found intriguingly frustrating...then found the thread deleted and myself banned. So, I kept to the shadows. Occasionally I would comment, but despite receiving positive replies from people I considered well beyond my own understanding the maxim "once bitten, twice shy" certainly applied. Despite finding myself inexplicable drawn to some people from the site "mum was the word" for myself. When I did finally begin actively posting it was, quite simply, a dam chaotic time (both for myself, and others). I know some tried to aid me in my understanding, but I was at such a state of "hyper"...I just wanted clear answers; but perhaps such isn't even possible with such concepts - reminds of a book describing "walking" the higher "planes" - the author states that this is merely the best description possible from our understanding, and to truly fathom such a thing it must be visited...or at least some of the "lower higher" planes (astral>mental etc, or what words you prefer). Honestly I think a lot was my failure - I assumed my actions would have spoken loudly as to who I was - and began getting increasingly angry/frustrated with people who did not deserve it. Words unsaid: In this regard, to threads, to other "seekers" in reality...way, way to many to count. But I'm eyeing off the "adult gloves"...so we shall see. Tho to be honest, I always preferred bare-knuckles *chuckle* |
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Post by lol on Dec 27, 2018 5:46:02 GMT
lol
It dont take a pro astrologer to knoe you got a bunch of fire sign energy
If its Aries style, you spark some shit up according to your desire
If its Leo style you just detonate a flame in a fixed way every time
And if it's Saggitarius, well you are the fireworks projectiles subject to the winds (and tides)
Bet you have a fun chart
Embrace it
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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2018 5:59:03 GMT
lol It dont take a pro astrologer to knoe you got a bunch of fire sign energy If its Aries style, you spark some shit up according to your desire If its Leo style you just detonate a flame in a fixed way every time And if it's Saggitarius, well you are the fireworks projectiles subject to the winds (and tides) Bet you have a fun chart Embrace it Ha, you certainly hit on half of one (born on the cusp). Actually had my chart done by a lifelong astrologer when I was going to a theosophy building. You would be correct (apparently). And yes you're right mate, I do need to embrace it more - even my "chart" said as much *raises glass* |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2018 12:32:28 GMT
Eh...one more post rapid fire
1)Not accepting the position they wanted me to take (multiple times/places) - self doubt be dammed
2) Not accepting flight lessons - others opinions be dammed
3) Not accepting a (fucking) intriguing book as a gift - guilt complex be dammed
4) Not accepting dance lessons - lack of self worth be dammed
What can I say?
Call me the useless fool
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Post by Deleted on Jan 11, 2019 20:18:43 GMT
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Post by wife on Jan 20, 2019 9:07:31 GMT
I regret a lack of presence in my marriage; here it comes, another four years are up like an elected leader to win and lose my heart over and over. He is low in the approval polls tonight, but I will miss the regular male energy in the house. its a death of a relationship and they are always hard, even if you want them ended ...he didn't care to learn how to love me, but said he did and I linger how dramatic the statements were, early on. His teeth were broken from the lies he told. I could have done more to love him but his unprocessed psychological material and damage played unconsciously and rendered love useless. My heart, nobility, and eagerness to give were lost on him. I didn't let him fully in, no...so what he received was much less, as protection.. I couldn't be soft and open, or myself.. because he was a user.
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