Post by ben on Jul 29, 2016 20:56:14 GMT
Ah well, what a day it was! And a new one at that, can you believe it? The last time the identity posting this right now (me obviously 
was here, a year ago. But stuff went really bad, and I had to leave my poor self alone again. Yes, I know, "get help".
Ahhjajaja xD after further consideration of the situation I've maneuverd my self into. This could also go down in history as the day I officially snapped. - dun worry, i'm fine... i think.
Let me elaborate, I used to "change" my identity through events that occured and experiences I lived through. After my dad died I started doing this other thing, where I envision my future self and worked towards becoming him/me.
Problem with this technique is that you can not determine when your "old" self is ready to adapt the new persona, after all it is imaginary and not forged through real-life experiences.
So you got to wait for the universe to at least partially instill the right experiences for you to "become" your envisioned self. I did it twice already and it worked. First time I imagined my new self when I was 8.
It took about 13 years for me to have lived through enough stuff to reach critical mass and cross over the breaking point to assume the (long envisioned and thus breddy well thought out) role of the new me. I was literally 8 years old until I turned 21.
The idea for the next me came somewhere in my teens because of my grandmother and the loss of her son. I wanted to replace him. So I multitasked and thought up my current persona while still working towards my 21 year old self.
This resesulted in me becoming more and more like him, a progress which would've occured naturally - arguably. Again, the breaking point where which I could say I have truly changed came only years after this - yesterday. I recognized myself.
Well not the old self, I realized (from my perspective) that I am breddy much him right now. And it came after some sirius intervention by dare I say - god. Aaaanyways, there are some serious drawbacks to this technique of furthering... yourself.
You get pretty much stuck in a timewarp while working towards your new self. It sux, cuz people think you're retarded. But then again, you only get affected by situations which will progress you towards your intended goal.
If you're determined to become what you want to be, that is.
i'll make a thread, sry for spamming just was going with the flow.
i called my dad "brother" in some other thread, just realized. how perfectly fitting.
Hmm, now that I am what I wanted to be, who do I become? Like srsly. And I'm not talking about "go become an astronaut". Like personality wise - where do I go from here?
Also, I think I have become an Egregore.
I should write a book about this one day.
Addendum:
Fuk it this is where it comes full circle! xd So, I hated god for the most part of my life due to a lot of stuff going down, but hey, the world is not fair, although I to this day believe in that. And in my psychotic episode on GMG I asked a question.
What is a good god? Never got even the attempt of an answer. Same thing was asked by myself in the "Finally leaving him alone" thread on page 287. I was triggered by the_path. Same game, no answer. But then, after realizing who I was now.
And me not failing in this endavour, which rules out chance for mentioned technique. Plus myself shattering into nothing again /trauma is a bitch - especially when it builds up over years. Only to realize I am what I wanted to become.
And me being so close (In mind) to my father again after all these years. There was justice in the path (höhö) which I treaded on. A path not chosen by me but by what I aspired to be. This is the definition of a good god. A just one. Mysterious ways.
Jul 29, 2016 20:03:54 GMT 2 ben said:
Rammstein - Mein Herz Brennt
Day started out as hell yesterday, now I'm in heaven. Btw. thank you brother. I finally got my answer and know what a good god is now. ^____^
was here, a year ago. But stuff went really bad, and I had to leave my poor self alone again. Yes, I know, "get help". Ahhjajaja xD after further consideration of the situation I've maneuverd my self into. This could also go down in history as the day I officially snapped. - dun worry, i'm fine... i think.
Let me elaborate, I used to "change" my identity through events that occured and experiences I lived through. After my dad died I started doing this other thing, where I envision my future self and worked towards becoming him/me.
Problem with this technique is that you can not determine when your "old" self is ready to adapt the new persona, after all it is imaginary and not forged through real-life experiences.
So you got to wait for the universe to at least partially instill the right experiences for you to "become" your envisioned self. I did it twice already and it worked. First time I imagined my new self when I was 8.
It took about 13 years for me to have lived through enough stuff to reach critical mass and cross over the breaking point to assume the (long envisioned and thus breddy well thought out) role of the new me. I was literally 8 years old until I turned 21.
The idea for the next me came somewhere in my teens because of my grandmother and the loss of her son. I wanted to replace him. So I multitasked and thought up my current persona while still working towards my 21 year old self.
This resesulted in me becoming more and more like him, a progress which would've occured naturally - arguably. Again, the breaking point where which I could say I have truly changed came only years after this - yesterday. I recognized myself.
Well not the old self, I realized (from my perspective) that I am breddy much him right now. And it came after some sirius intervention by dare I say - god. Aaaanyways, there are some serious drawbacks to this technique of furthering... yourself.
You get pretty much stuck in a timewarp while working towards your new self. It sux, cuz people think you're retarded. But then again, you only get affected by situations which will progress you towards your intended goal.
If you're determined to become what you want to be, that is.
i'll make a thread, sry for spamming just was going with the flow.
i called my dad "brother" in some other thread, just realized. how perfectly fitting.
Hmm, now that I am what I wanted to be, who do I become? Like srsly. And I'm not talking about "go become an astronaut". Like personality wise - where do I go from here?
Also, I think I have become an Egregore.
I should write a book about this one day.
Addendum:
Fuk it this is where it comes full circle! xd So, I hated god for the most part of my life due to a lot of stuff going down, but hey, the world is not fair, although I to this day believe in that. And in my psychotic episode on GMG I asked a question.
What is a good god? Never got even the attempt of an answer. Same thing was asked by myself in the "Finally leaving him alone" thread on page 287. I was triggered by the_path. Same game, no answer. But then, after realizing who I was now.
And me not failing in this endavour, which rules out chance for mentioned technique. Plus myself shattering into nothing again /trauma is a bitch - especially when it builds up over years. Only to realize I am what I wanted to become.
And me being so close (In mind) to my father again after all these years. There was justice in the path (höhö) which I treaded on. A path not chosen by me but by what I aspired to be. This is the definition of a good god. A just one. Mysterious ways.
Jul 29, 2016 20:03:54 GMT 2 ben said:
Rammstein - Mein Herz Brennt
Day started out as hell yesterday, now I'm in heaven. Btw. thank you brother. I finally got my answer and know what a good god is now. ^____^
