Post by M. M. on Jul 27, 2016 7:03:42 GMT
First of all, thank you so much for making this forum, Liath! I'm so happy to see your productivity and your talents being put to work in a way that brings to many wonderful and like-minded people together. It's an honor just to be able to participate in it.
/end brown nosing.
Anyway, I had made a certain thread on a certain Tavistock/Stanford Research Institute funded forum that was swiftly deleted within a matter of maybe 5-10 minutes or so. However, I was not given red karma so it couldn't have been removed for being abusive.
What I had wrote about is how we all own and possess our bodies and therefore our bodies are our own. Since that is the case if someone were..say..suffering from horrendous nightmares, visions, voices; plagued my guilt for ones actions that may never ever be repairable; haunted by agonizing and gut-wrenching memories each and every single day of the abuse (physical, psychological, emotional and some sexual) that this certain someone suffered on a regular basis as a small child..
Now lets say this certain someone is a 28 year old man who has absolutely no earthly idea how to be an adult. He has already got into drugs from a very early age; very much an addict for just about any kind of high he can get. But no car, no job, no family to stay with, nowhere to go; on the verge of completing a five year deferred adjudicated probation sentence and, out of depression and self-defeat, decided to say 'fuck it' and wound up going on a drug binge. Now he has a probation report tomorrow and already knows that IF they drug test him he will turn up positive for both cocaine and THC. Of course there's a slim chance they won't drug test me but it's always a possibility. But the drug test isn't why I'm writing this.
I truly, genuinely want to die. The problem is that anytime I try to talk about this to anyone they just try to make me sound selfish or like some kind of weak coward trying to take the easy way out of there instead of dealing with life on life's own terms. That or I'll wind up getting the ultra 'religious' people who try to condemn me going on and on and on about how suicide is outside of "gods will" and also displays a severe lack of trust in him and all that jazz. If anything I think people who commit suicide are exceptionally brave for what they are able to do.
Or people will try to tell me that there's so many people that would miss me and be hurt by my passing away and try to blame the guilt card. Sure, maybe but what if my family wasn't even paying attention or out running errands. Or what if my family doesn't even have anything to do with them. Or what if I tried to tell them but my family and friends He has very few real life friends outside of the Internet but has never been able to establish a serous or sever friendship with anyone or have anything meaningful with them. All I have really is my own mind which is wrapped up chains of toxic guilt and shame and phantoms and poltergeists from the past.
I have a pretty long rap sheet as far as my criminal record goes which is affecting my ability to find gainful employment. I'm on the verge of homelessness. I was raised Christian. I was told that God won't give you more than you can handle. Sure, I've overcome so so so so much over the years that I cannot doubt that there is SOMETHING or SOMEONE looking out for me but I wouldn't call it God. But people always seem to bring up god whenever someone is contemplating suicide and they'll say how anyone who commits suicide is going to hell. I've heard every excuse in the book and, as a FORMER religitard, I've read the Bible through and through; even using concordances and parallel text versions to get more meaning out of the original Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek text, and I can safely say that hell DOES NOT exist in the way we think of it from a judeo-christian mindset. But you can look into that yourself.
For now, I just think that the people so strongly against suicide had someone they loved very much kill themselves so now they are immediately hostile, as well as defensive. It's not my intention to hurt anyone. I've actually hurt more people during my 28 years of existence anyway just by being alive. I'm ready to get off the roller coaster. I want to go home. I'm just too scared to go through with it. But anyway..
What do you think happens when we die?
I've already had a couple NDE's and they are DEFINITELY not what you would think. I'd love to hear stories from all of you. And what do you think? I mean like that old saying goes about how they can take away everything else but they'll never be able to take away my mind? Well, that's a little backwards to me because it's the body that is the one thing that we will always be able to possess no matter what. We may be, at times, under a particular set of rules but just try escaping the body for a minute and let me know if it worked. LOL!
Still..
Want me to kinda keep an eye on his little friend he was with and make sure they're okay?
\\\\\\
- c. m.m.
/end brown nosing.
Anyway, I had made a certain thread on a certain Tavistock/Stanford Research Institute funded forum that was swiftly deleted within a matter of maybe 5-10 minutes or so. However, I was not given red karma so it couldn't have been removed for being abusive.
What I had wrote about is how we all own and possess our bodies and therefore our bodies are our own. Since that is the case if someone were..say..suffering from horrendous nightmares, visions, voices; plagued my guilt for ones actions that may never ever be repairable; haunted by agonizing and gut-wrenching memories each and every single day of the abuse (physical, psychological, emotional and some sexual) that this certain someone suffered on a regular basis as a small child..
Now lets say this certain someone is a 28 year old man who has absolutely no earthly idea how to be an adult. He has already got into drugs from a very early age; very much an addict for just about any kind of high he can get. But no car, no job, no family to stay with, nowhere to go; on the verge of completing a five year deferred adjudicated probation sentence and, out of depression and self-defeat, decided to say 'fuck it' and wound up going on a drug binge. Now he has a probation report tomorrow and already knows that IF they drug test him he will turn up positive for both cocaine and THC. Of course there's a slim chance they won't drug test me but it's always a possibility. But the drug test isn't why I'm writing this.
I truly, genuinely want to die. The problem is that anytime I try to talk about this to anyone they just try to make me sound selfish or like some kind of weak coward trying to take the easy way out of there instead of dealing with life on life's own terms. That or I'll wind up getting the ultra 'religious' people who try to condemn me going on and on and on about how suicide is outside of "gods will" and also displays a severe lack of trust in him and all that jazz. If anything I think people who commit suicide are exceptionally brave for what they are able to do.
Or people will try to tell me that there's so many people that would miss me and be hurt by my passing away and try to blame the guilt card. Sure, maybe but what if my family wasn't even paying attention or out running errands. Or what if my family doesn't even have anything to do with them. Or what if I tried to tell them but my family and friends He has very few real life friends outside of the Internet but has never been able to establish a serous or sever friendship with anyone or have anything meaningful with them. All I have really is my own mind which is wrapped up chains of toxic guilt and shame and phantoms and poltergeists from the past.
I have a pretty long rap sheet as far as my criminal record goes which is affecting my ability to find gainful employment. I'm on the verge of homelessness. I was raised Christian. I was told that God won't give you more than you can handle. Sure, I've overcome so so so so much over the years that I cannot doubt that there is SOMETHING or SOMEONE looking out for me but I wouldn't call it God. But people always seem to bring up god whenever someone is contemplating suicide and they'll say how anyone who commits suicide is going to hell. I've heard every excuse in the book and, as a FORMER religitard, I've read the Bible through and through; even using concordances and parallel text versions to get more meaning out of the original Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek text, and I can safely say that hell DOES NOT exist in the way we think of it from a judeo-christian mindset. But you can look into that yourself.
For now, I just think that the people so strongly against suicide had someone they loved very much kill themselves so now they are immediately hostile, as well as defensive. It's not my intention to hurt anyone. I've actually hurt more people during my 28 years of existence anyway just by being alive. I'm ready to get off the roller coaster. I want to go home. I'm just too scared to go through with it. But anyway..
What do you think happens when we die?
I've already had a couple NDE's and they are DEFINITELY not what you would think. I'd love to hear stories from all of you. And what do you think? I mean like that old saying goes about how they can take away everything else but they'll never be able to take away my mind? Well, that's a little backwards to me because it's the body that is the one thing that we will always be able to possess no matter what. We may be, at times, under a particular set of rules but just try escaping the body for a minute and let me know if it worked. LOL!
Still..
Want me to kinda keep an eye on his little friend he was with and make sure they're okay?
\\\\\\
- c. m.m.
