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Post by Montblanc on Oct 3, 2016 0:07:37 GMT
This looks a lot more polished and structured than last time I checked. Good to "see" yourself busy with something that matters, and congratulations way to start a story. I'll need some extra time to catch up.  |
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Post by Caylus Ark on Oct 3, 2016 0:12:36 GMT
This looks a lot more polished and structured than last time I checked. Good to "see" yourself busy with something that matters, and congratulations way to start a story. I'll need some extra time to catch up. I don't know if the structure is a good thing because ultimately there will probably be a lot of things which change, and the numerical order will probably be off...but, it does help for keeping track of things and for reading it...heh, yeah the polish is still...needing work, but again the goal is to complete it for the time being |
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Post by Montblanc on Oct 3, 2016 0:12:37 GMT
Haha  That was a lot of catching up, started at chapter 3.  Just some notes I took while reading: - love the interview, great sense of humour I can see you put a lot of yourself in Katy, the interview made me lol several times - "back into her sinuses" love the choice of words, that's textbook - Sept Umbra = September Shadow? - Ars Goetia - Mang, I didn't know this exists! Nice way of tying together reality and fiction! Just like Celestials Botnet explanation, as a geek, I loved that one. xD - What is En? That guy seems to defy all reasons of above and below! Intriguing. - I like that there is no real dualistic philosophy in this story, sentinels being the neutrum for demons and angels for example. Right and Wrong are matters of perspective, as it is in nature. - Great pacing in between the main-story plots. Generally great pacing. Captivating. Only got to chapter 4 though, I'll read the rest too, promised! Ahh this was a good afternoon, thank you Caylus, for the read and for you. <3 Thanks for reading Ben! Super helpful to get all the opinions I can. I am thinking there might be a bit of editing later, but it will be interesting to see if I can get a beginning middle and an end together. I did put myself in Katy quite a bit, it's a little embarrassing but true.  I think there's a misspelling here and there, but you'll need Mr. Dictionary's help to sort those out, the last editings you've done have really improved it, when I first checked this thread it looked like you didn't quite knew how you wanted to begin, and a lot of it seemed incoherent, but that's gone now so keep up shaping the multiverse. |
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Post by Caylus Ark on Oct 3, 2016 0:14:01 GMT
Thanks for reading Ben! Super helpful to get all the opinions I can. I am thinking there might be a bit of editing later, but it will be interesting to see if I can get a beginning middle and an end together. I did put myself in Katy quite a bit, it's a little embarrassing but true. I think there's a misspelling here and there, but you'll need Mr. Dictionary's help to sort those out, the last editings you've done have really improved it, when I first checked this thread it looked like you didn't quite knew how you wanted to begin, and a lot of it seemed incoherent, but that's gone now so keep up shaping the multiverse. I started it on a whim, the later parts are a bit more focused than the first chapter |
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Post by Montblanc on Oct 3, 2016 0:17:00 GMT
This looks a lot more polished and structured than last time I checked. Good to "see" yourself busy with something that matters, and congratulations way to start a story. I'll need some extra time to catch up. I don't know if the structure is a good thing because ultimately there will probably be a lot of things which change, and the numerical order will probably be off...but, it does help for keeping track of things and for reading it...heh, yeah the polish is still...needing work, but again the goal is to complete it for the time being I still think you should maintain the current first chapter as the story's beginning as it looks very appealing and magical in how it sucks your attention into it. Of course you as the creator may have some ideas as to how it can be improved. Though I see it mostly in movies, it's not uncommon or bad to start a story from an advanced point in the event timeline and then backtrack to the point where it started. |
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Post by Caylus Ark on Oct 3, 2016 0:18:42 GMT
I don't know if the structure is a good thing because ultimately there will probably be a lot of things which change, and the numerical order will probably be off...but, it does help for keeping track of things and for reading it...heh, yeah the polish is still...needing work, but again the goal is to complete it for the time being I still think you should maintain the current first chapter as the story's beginning as it looks very appealing and magical in how it sucks your attention into it. Of course you as the creator may have some ideas as to how it can be improved. Though I see it mostly in movies, it's not uncommon or bad to start a story from an advanced point in the event timeline and then backtrack to the point where it started. It will probably stay as the beginning, but a few things I didn't realize when I first started writing it would be a part of the plot...and what Katy was doing where she was an such. As a matter of fact, I changed it a bit, not sure if it's updated here. but not dramatically...just for consistency |
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Post by Montblanc on Oct 3, 2016 0:21:13 GMT
I think there's a misspelling here and there, but you'll need Mr. Dictionary's help to sort those out, the last editings you've done have really improved it, when I first checked this thread it looked like you didn't quite knew how you wanted to begin, and a lot of it seemed incoherent, but that's gone now so keep up shaping the multiverse. I started it on a whim, the later parts are a bit more focused than the first chapter These things always start on a whim, and the misspellings aren't that frequent or hurtful, I just tend to over analyze these things from a professional pov so take easy with it, unless you plan to sell the story after you finish it. Besides, I'm sure you'll be able to notice any of those if you go editing it with focus. |
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Post by Caylus Ark on Oct 3, 2016 0:24:18 GMT
I started it on a whim, the later parts are a bit more focused than the first chapter These things always start on a whim, and the misspellings aren't that frequent or hurtful, I just tend to over analyze these things from a professional pov so take easy with it, unless you plan to sell the story after you finish it. Besides, I'm sure you'll be able to notice any of those if you go editing it with focus. I would probably pitch it eventually, but I have not gone back through to edit it at all, or revised it. It's more important to me to actually finish something I've started, I am a good editor and am confident that if I go back through it I'll be able to correct mistakes like spelling and grammar...but whether or not it's a good story is the important thing |
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Post by Montblanc on Oct 3, 2016 0:26:40 GMT
I still think you should maintain the current first chapter as the story's beginning as it looks very appealing and magical in how it sucks your attention into it. Of course you as the creator may have some ideas as to how it can be improved. Though I see it mostly in movies, it's not uncommon or bad to start a story from an advanced point in the event timeline and then backtrack to the point where it started. It will probably stay as the beginning, but a few things I didn't realize when I first started writing it would be a part of the plot...and what Katy was doing where she was an such. As a matter of fact, I changed it a bit, not sure if it's updated here. but not dramatically...just for consistency Ah I wouldn't know, it's been a very long while since I checked this, and what I noticed was that the first chapter was different now, and assumed the others had been edited as well but I can't tell what are the differences between edits. But enough of me wasting space and cluttering this beautiful thread with my musings. It's getting late here and I got to rise early tomorrow (the whole week actually), I'll come back and read more when I have some spare time, this is definitely looking great. |
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Post by Caylus Ark on Oct 3, 2016 0:29:34 GMT
It will probably stay as the beginning, but a few things I didn't realize when I first started writing it would be a part of the plot...and what Katy was doing where she was an such. As a matter of fact, I changed it a bit, not sure if it's updated here. but not dramatically...just for consistency Ah I wouldn't know, it's been a very long while since I checked this, and what I noticed was that the first chapter was different now, and assumed the others had been edited as well but I can't tell what are the differences between edits. But enough of me wasting space and cluttering this beautiful thread with my musings. It's getting late here and I got to rise early tomorrow (the whole week actually), I'll come back and read more when I have some spare time, this is definitely looking great. Hey man, I appreciate your thoughts for real! and honesty is important, I know it needs a lot of work but merely having people read it does help and its super long already so I appreciate everyone who does! |
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Post by Montblanc on Oct 3, 2016 0:33:15 GMT
These things always start on a whim, and the misspellings aren't that frequent or hurtful, I just tend to over analyze these things from a professional pov so take easy with it, unless you plan to sell the story after you finish it. Besides, I'm sure you'll be able to notice any of those if you go editing it with focus. I would probably pitch it eventually, but I have not gone back through to edit it at all, or revised it. It's more important to me to actually finish something I've started, I am a good editor and am confident that if I go back through it I'll be able to correct mistakes like spelling and grammar...but whether or not it's a good story is the important thing Well if you're really thinking of entering that avenue, then just forget about it entirely for now. Write from the heart and let your art flow, the mind will have it's time for coherence and correction. That's what true editing is for, to polish the prose and settle plots rather than simply correcting bad grammar, though many indie authors use professional editors too these days in order to keep their focus exclusively on the main task. This is because one person can't be good at all those things, then there's the cover artwork, sometimes additional artwork, but that's a conversation for another time. |
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Post by Montblanc on Oct 3, 2016 22:34:15 GMT
OMFG, I can't believe you made OYE a character in the story, that was the best comic relief for someone who knows at least a little about you guys. Finally read it all, looking very good, it's certainly different from anything I ever read. It looks like most people would have trouble grasping the concepts behind EN's actions and abilities but in my opinion you shouldn't change that, unless you plan to sneak in some conceptual introduction upon editing.
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Post by Caylus Ark on Oct 3, 2016 23:25:50 GMT
OMFG, I can't believe you made OYE a character in the story, that was the best comic relief for someone who knows at least a little about you guys. Finally read it all, looking very good, it's certainly different from anything I ever read. It looks like most people would have trouble grasping the concepts behind EN's actions and abilities but in my opinion you shouldn't change that, unless you plan to sneak in some conceptual introduction upon editing. True, his powers might be better illustrated then explained.  |
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Post by Montblanc on Oct 3, 2016 23:59:05 GMT
OMFG, I can't believe you made OYE a character in the story, that was the best comic relief for someone who knows at least a little about you guys. Finally read it all, looking very good, it's certainly different from anything I ever read. It looks like most people would have trouble grasping the concepts behind EN's actions and abilities but in my opinion you shouldn't change that, unless you plan to sneak in some conceptual introduction upon editing. True, his powers might be better illustrated then explained. Have you told him? I'm sure he approves of his character, but may demand more screentime, err... more dedicated chapters or mc status. Illustration huh, you might be able to convince someone to make some art for the story. Have a good working shift, for me it's near bed time. |
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Post by Caylus Ark on Oct 3, 2016 23:59:06 GMT
You think most people won't understand it but I also shouldn't change it? Why is that?
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Post by Caylus Ark on Oct 4, 2016 0:00:45 GMT
True, his powers might be better illustrated then explained. " style="max-width:100%;"] Have you told him? I'm sure he approves of his character, but may demand more screentime, err... more dedicated chapters or mc status. Illustration huh, you might be able to convince someone to make some art for the story. Have good working shift, I must go to sleep soon to go work this morrow morning. I told him but he's too lazy to come over to this side of the fence and read it. I won't promise he's the only character from this little network to appear either, but I may not make it so obvious as a first name basis with everyone  |
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Post by Montblanc on Oct 4, 2016 0:09:30 GMT
You think most people won't understand it but I also shouldn't change it? Why is that? You use a lot of advanced concepts that I'm certain most people wouldn't bother trying to figure. But that also makes it fascinating for those who do understand, besides, you got to decide if you want to write your story, or a story that's for everyone. You can actually do both, either by explaining those foreign concepts later in the story, like the scenes between EN and Celestial where they explain each other the agency jargon, or by re-editing the chapters. This can be achieved by numerous plot devices, like the characters explaining those things via their thoughts or by having random characters ask or explain them. It all depends on how you want to deliver it and how creativ e you are, JK Rowling used to explain the same concepts over and again throughout the HP books, but a lot of authors just use one of these plot devices a few times, whenever a new concept is introduced, then drop it, leaving it to the readers to memorize the whole thing (my favourite approach). In a way you've already done a bit of this with EN's scenes. |
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Post by Montblanc on Oct 4, 2016 0:11:35 GMT
Have you told him? I'm sure he approves of his character, but may demand more screentime, err... more dedicated chapters or mc status. Illustration huh, you might be able to convince someone to make some art for the story. Have good working shift, I must go to sleep soon to go work this morrow morning. I told him but he's too lazy to come over to this side of the fence and read it. I won't promise he's the only character from this little network to appear either, but I may not make it so obvious as a first name basis with everyone Lol, believe me, with that detailed introduction you could have named him whatever, I'd still call him OYE. |
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Post by Caylus Ark on Oct 4, 2016 0:14:56 GMT
You think most people won't understand it but I also shouldn't change it? Why is that? You use a lot of advanced concepts that I'm certain most people wouldn't bother trying to figure. But that also makes it fascinating for those who do understand, besides, you got to decide if you want to write your story, or a story that's for everyone. You can actually do both, either by explaining those foreign concepts later in the story, like the scenes between EN and Celestial where they explain each other the agency jargon, or by re-editing the chapters. This can be achieved by numerous plot devices, like the characters explaining those things via their thoughts or by having random characters ask or explain them. It all depends on how you want to deliver it and how creativ e you are, JK Rowling used to explain the same concepts over and again throughout the HP books, but a lot of authors just use one of these plot devices a few times, whenever a new concept is introduced, then drop it, leaving it to the readers to memorize the whole thing (my favourite approach). In a way you've already done a bit of this with EN's scenes. Interesting. Thank you for your thoughts on that, gives me a bit to think about. |
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Post by Montblanc on Oct 4, 2016 0:21:00 GMT
You use a lot of advanced concepts that I'm certain most people wouldn't bother trying to figure. But that also makes it fascinating for those who do understand, besides, you got to decide if you want to write your story, or a story that's for everyone. You can actually do both, either by explaining those foreign concepts later in the story, like the scenes between EN and Celestial where they explain each other the agency jargon, or by re-editing the chapters. This can be achieved by numerous plot devices, like the characters explaining those things via their thoughts or by having random characters ask or explain them. It all depends on how you want to deliver it and how creativ e you are, JK Rowling used to explain the same concepts over and again throughout the HP books, but a lot of authors just use one of these plot devices a few times, whenever a new concept is introduced, then drop it, leaving it to the readers to memorize the whole thing (my favourite approach). In a way you've already done a bit of this with EN's scenes. Interesting. Thank you for your thoughts on that, gives me a bit to think about. One idea I had just now was introducing a noob sidekick, or even Katy, if you somehow plan to have her start learning about all that stuff in the future, like have her learn the concepts from the books at her work or introducing a teacher figure (can be even a villainous figure doing this), like I said, plot devices are limited only by your own creativity and technique. |
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